Odes to odious writing
That's the hope of the organizers of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, held yearly in April since 1983. Here's the sentence that started it all:
"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)Think you can top that? Submit your entries here as comments!
Here's are some other examples to get your creative juices flowing.
bulwer-lytton examples
19 comments:
The sun filled the house with a happy glow, making the shadows of the flies splattered against the windows dance across the dead cat carcass, speckling the mildewed fur with happy splashes of light.
-Sofie Carfaro
Fabulous, though not in the literal etymological sense, start! Think about a couple of things here -- where can you include much more information than is needed without repeating yourself (e.g., time of day?), and how can your vocabulary help turn this sentence into something sublimely ridiculous? You're definitely on the right track, though; just watch for oncoming trains.
Hermione stared intently at the carmel sauce on her ice cream, contimplating whether or not it had genetically modified soybean oil in it, or if it was made by hand with all organic, natural ingredients that was grown , not sure she pushed it aside and started in on some pudding, but then that made her wonder if that contained any nasty man made items in it.
Posted by Emily Halporn 0<:-)>
Okay, so this is my upgraded sentance; The luminecent ball of fiery light rose magestally over the misty, blue hills, filling the little cottage with a warm, happy glow, making the shadows of the rabid flies splattered against the window dance joyusly across the inside out cat carcass and the innards, still shiny and wet, sparked in the sun of a new day.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M DOING THIS MR. MADDEN!!! Here we go; The luminescent ball of fiery golden light rose majestically over the misty, blue hills, filling the little cottage with a warm, happy glow, making the shadows of the rabid flies splattered against the window dance joyously across the inside-out cat carcass,amd the innards, still shiny and wet, sparkled in the light of a ney day.
“The wind started to blow,
The tree house started to spin,
It spun faster and faster…"
Then it mercifully stopped.
No one ever wants to hear that again.
There are many shades of mauve, light mauve, dark mauve, medium mauve, sharp mauve, soft mauve, green tinged mauve, yellow tinged mauve, blue tinged mauve, red tinged mauve, purple tinged mauve, lilac tinged mauve, orange tinged mauve, mauve with hints of pink, mauve with hints of grey, mauve with hints of white, mauve with hints of black, terracotta mauve, maple mauve, mauve with hints of fusia, and olive tinged mauve, but none of these were the kind of mauve as the blood spreading across Peter’s chest.
When Alice saw Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum for the first time, she was being chased by the Bandersnach in a forest of talking flowers on the Mad Hatter's Hat holding the Vorpal Blade, and then tossed by the Mad Hatter into the Red Queen's garden where she meets a porcupine and befriends the Red Queen as Um, and kills the Jabberwockey and goes home up through the rabbit hole and on home with the Jabberwocky’s purple blood in a container the White Queen gave her.
To step outside to the smell of flowers and the warm sunshine; to watch the trees play shadow games in the rays of sunlight, yet to step outside on a cold and gray day with the sunshine hiding in the clouds and no life left in the trees...snowy days are beautiful and dreamlike, to step outside on a hot day is painful and suffocating...the plants wilt and again there is no life ato be found, not even my face, hot and prespiring face attempting to hide in it's own shadow.
My revised sentence:
When Alice first tumbled through the White Rabbit’s hole, Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum were the first two people she met; and later she would meet much stranger characters, including a smoking Blue Caterpillar, and a little man called the Bandersnach giving out little cakes and bottles with a greenish liquid inside- which he claimed would taste as good a lime soda and chocolate cake- so Alice took 2 of each, and ate them together; and everything went black.
Emily H. said...
Hermione stared intently at the caramel sauce on her ice cream, contemplating whether or not it had genetically modified soybean oil in it, or if it was made by hand with all organic, natural ingredients; not sure, she pushed it aside and started in on some pudding, but then that made her wonder if that contained any nasty man-made items in it; maybe, just maybe, elfish welfare was a smaller issue compared to this new problem.
Posted by Emily Halporn :)
The luminescent ball of fiey golden light rose majetically over the misty blue hills filling the tiny wooden cottage with a warm, happy glow and making the shadows of the rabid flies splattered against the already bloodstained cracked window dance joyously across the ozzing, slippery inside-out cat carcass and the moldy, flea ridden innards, still shiny and wet, sparkled in the light of a new day.
Emily H. said...
Emily H. said...
Hermione stared intently at the caramel sauce on her ice cream, contemplating whether or not it had genetically modified soybean oil in it, or if it was made by hand with all organic, natural ingredients; not sure, she pushed it aside and started in on some pudding, but then that made her wonder if that contained any nasty man-made items in it; and maybe, just maybe, elfish welfare was a smaller issue compared to this new problem.
Posted by Emily Halporn :)
Jack sat up straight, his ever so precious magazines flying out the window; the tree house started whirling dizzyingly, spinning so fast Jack thought his face might come off, despite himself Jack felt shrieks of terror spewing from his mouth, then it was still, absolutely still; but none of that was as daunting as what happened next.
Hagen-- wonderful revision, but be careful that what you are writing is still just one sentence. Where "despite" starts, that is actually the beginning of a new sentence. You can keep the idea with a subtle change of wording. Finally, try to leave the reader with more of a concrete sense of what's to come; "what happened next" is a bit of a cop-out.
My revised sentence again:
When Alice first tumbled through the white rabbit's hole (the tumbling sensation was nauseating), Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum were the first two people she met; and later she would meet much stranger characters- such as a smoking Blue Caterpillar- but most importantly, the small, chubby, and faintly violet and polka dotted man, who was giving out small cakes; Alice took 2 and even though the frosting looked as though it was wriggling, she ate them in one bite; a few minutes later, everything went black.
The brittle wooden house sat alone, as still as death, sunlight pouring through the ornate stained glass windows and as the trees started to stir, a board in the old cottage creaked waking the dust that had been left to sit for what seemed like centuries and rustled the delicate lace curtains which had been left to hang in solitude for what seemed like eternity.
There are many shades of mauve: light mauve, dark mauve, medium mauve, sharp mauve, soft mauve, green-tinged mauve, yellowy mauve, blue mauve, red mauve, a mauve in which purple spreads its spidery fingers into the crevasses of mauve’s mind , a mauve where lilac infringes on mauve’s personal space, the extravagant orange-tinged mauve of the East, a macabre mauve that creeps up on you as you sit safe in your house, or the gooey mauve that is found on the delicious jelly filling of a macaroon, but none of these was the specific shade of mauve as the blood spreading across Peter’s chest.
Jack sat up straight, his ever so precious magazines flying out the window; the tree house started whirling dizzyingly, spinning so fast Jack thought his face might come off, Jack felt shrill shrieks of terror spewing from his mouth, then it was still, absolutely still; but none of that was as daunting as the gelatinous hydrogen baboon.
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